Welcome to table 19!

Just finished watching, or better say, stopped watching the movie “Table 19” on TV. One disappointment after the other. Earlier this morning I picked up a book hoping to enjoy reading some philosophical arguments, like those discussed in the Game Theory, in regards to Nash equilibria and the way people end up making their choices and decisions in life, but ended up disappointed. I threw this book back on my shelf, and despite the urge to write something about the Prisoner’s Dilemma and the paradox of rationality, as to oppose what was discussed in this book, I decided to resist it. I was determined to enjoy my Saturday without any complications that derive by the idea that if so many misconceptions are made popular, so many wrong ideas are appraised, so many unreasonable decisions are considered heroic, and inspire millions of masses, then what the heck is this place? Where Am I born? Is this Hell? I tried to avoid thinking today about this mystery that we call “beautiful life” because today Canada celebrates its 150 years of its existence as a federation. I am indeed a proud Canadian. I made my choice, my reasonable decision to come here in July 1999 with my family and make this place my home. So being in Canada for 18 years of my adult life I learned a lot, went through a lot, I was hurt a lot, but I also appreciate this place and what this country has to give. For all these reasons I did not want to ruin my day with negativity and criticism. I wanted to be happy about my choices in life and celebrate that. I had many other options to choose from before coming here, but I chose Canada. I had many other places to go, yet, twice in my life when I was rethinking my choices I again chose Canada. Therefore, today I wanted to be happy. Contemplating my life and the reasons why I made these choices despite being hurt emotionally, or why am I born in this era where technology is advancing yet people are regressing in the use of their reasoning, this was not something I wanted to bother myself thinking about today. So, I decided to watch TV instead. This new movie Table 19, caught my attention. It seemed funny, and it was funny, until the author decided to turn it into a fable and feed to the viewers some fabricated morals that a jerk may not be a jerk, but the guy who treats you right that called himself “Hawk,” he may be the jerk???? Huh!!!

I would like to share a little secret with my readers, before watching this movie I hate hawks, but this movie made me change my mind. Now, I did not hate hawks because they are predators and steal from other birds, because if so, I should hate eagles too. But eagles are the symbol of bravery and protection in my country of origin Albania. So awkward isn’t it? Eagles also steal but somehow they are adored. Anyhow, I hated hawks because my ex liked them. He is obsessed with them. And since I was not happy with him, I let him adore the hawk and I decided to hate them instead. But I forgot that my ex was also obsessed with batman since he was a little boy. Batman in fact describes his personality better. Batman was not only his hero, but all his life decisions are made made reflecting this fiction character, the Batman. Another reason why I hated hawks it’s because it rhymes with hawkers and all this created a very bad image in my mind. Even the mascot at my youngest daughter’s school was changed lately from a beaver to the hawk. I got so angry. When is this hawk going to live me alone?

I was frustrated that hawk symbolism never stopped coming to my face, and forgot that it is always a deeper reason when unassumingly related situations end up repeating the same facts, same symbols, same patterns, so that you would face these situations and not run away from them. This movie Table 19, even though had a very bad artificially twisted ending, did a good job in waking me up, and finally accept the fact that hawk had nothing to do with my ex. Hawk had to do everything with me, me only, and my consciousness. I finally saw it today, and I appreciate everything a certain Hawk did for me once, when he showed me how a lady must be treated, just like the Hawk guy in this movie Table 19. There was this guy that 11 years ago showed up in my life like a Hawk, and he showed me that I was worth of appreciation, but despite all that and how good he made me feel, I chose to let him go instead of asking him to take me with him and fly away from this place. Why did I do that? I ask myself that question all the time. It may be this the reason why today I started my day by reading the book The Game Theory by Ken Binmore, yet, my question is not answered.

I am frustrated at this point in my life, but I should know better than to torture myself with such questions that have no answers. I know that things happen for a reason, and that if I am not able to see that reason now, then I should wait and be patient until I learn some more facts about the circumstances that lead me to make such decision. I have a good reason to believe that things happen for a reason and I explain my reasoning in my books, which is basically that things happen because we follow the law of destiny, the law of existence and due to cause-effect that is naturally happening in our reality. It is also due to the law of nature that for every action there is an equally opposite contra-reaction, Newton’s third law. This contra-reaction is the cause of another action, therefore will cause a new effect. Hence, for every effect there was a cause, and for every cause there was previously another cause. And I came to the conclusion that for the very first cause that caused the very first effect must have been a reason to do so. So yes, I know there is a reason for everything, but somehow I am disappointed because every book I read and every movie I am watching lately seem to be choosing the most unreasonable reasons for the cause of the effects.

So dear reader, this movie too disappointed  me very much, even though it was funny. The worse part about this movie is that it plays with people’s emotions, and when emotions are triggered people feel inspired to make decisions based on such emotions. These emotions serve as the cause for the actions that we make later on in life. This movie, like many other movies lately, and many other songs too, is trying to feed into people’s minds the idea that it is OK if people treat you badly, because they may have had a reason to do so, even if that reason was their misjudgment about you, or if they misinterpreted what you said, because misunderstandings happen all the time. And because misunderstanding happens all the time, because we are humans and we are not perfect, then it is OK to screw up each other’s lives like that and then others must forgive as if nothing happened. Come on people! Are you buying this? I am not. These screen writers and song makers forget that it is one thing to misjudge a situations or others’ actions, and it is totally another thing to affect other people’s lives and ruin them because of your misjudgment and your inability to perceive the reality as it is, not as one wishes to be, or thinks it should. No fella writers, it is not OK to damage someone’s life and reputation and then walk away as if nothing happened, because you made a simple mistake like every one else. This has always been known as the fake forgiveness because people are constantly reminded that a good christian forgives. Yes, this excuse has always been used when one wants to minimize their errors, but then it is totally forgotten when one blames the other and decides to ruin their lives based on such misjudgments.

In the case of this movie, the author of the screenplay, along with the director of the movie, had decided to manufacture the same case scenario, as the one we saw in the Batman and Superman, The Dawn of Justice movie, where humans are constantly depicted as douche-bags that screw up each other’s lives, and despite the fact that we fight with another, that is still OK because that’s what families do. We fight, we poke each other’s eyes, and then we make up. In the end all is good, even though we may now be blind, and those fights may have left deep scars in our consciousness. In this movie they tried to make a hero out of a douche-bag who was the best man in his sister’s wedding and decided to dump his girlfriend over the text who was supposed to be the Bride’s maid of honor. And he did that after she told him that she was pregnant and then he questioned whether she wanted to keep the baby or not. So according to the author of this script, it was OK for this boy to hurt his girlfriend because of some misinterpretation over texts when they called each other names or insinuated that one would not be such a good father, and so on and so on. All fabricated conflicts, and justifications, because if one truly cared for the girl would not have left at that, with misinterpretations over text messaging. This movie, like many others, emphasizes the fact that since this boy was hurt by his girlfriend’s words then it is totally acceptable, totally forgivable, it is totally OK for him to hurt his girlfriend and their unborn baby, who was going to be raised fatherless, because she hurt him, saying he would not be a good father. So he decided to make that a reality. This totally shows lack of judgment on this boy’s side and disgrace even. Humans are not like this. If you call yourself a human then you must reason first before taking such actions.

Not just this movie, Table 19, but many other movies too lately, try to inspire us with these wrong ideas that it is justifiable apparently, for others to mistreat you if they misinterpreted your words, and misjudged you. So even though these people make errors in their reasoning, it is OK for them to go a bit further than that and make errors in their actions too, by deciding to hurt you. And when an action has a reaction and then you start acting the same way they acted, and you hurt them back, now wait a second, that is wrong, they say. I am screaming inside my head, “Where is your reasoning? Do you have any little reasoning left in your mind? Then use it and do not fabricate stories like this one where you confuse people and make them believe that people can be easily misjudged, but just as easily forgiven, and all is good in the end.” No dear writer of such script, which I categorize you as another douche-bag, whether you did it for money or you truly believe that stories of this type must have this kind of a happy ending, that is totally wrong on your side, and you must pay the consequences of such damage you causing to masses of people. You either are totally unqualified for that position where your words and your stories affect other people and plays with their emotions or you are serving someone who does, and you should quit before it is too late. If you really wanted this story to have a happy ending then I will tell you this, the best happy ending of that story would be the fact that this girlfriend learns what love truly feels, and stop begging for it. When the right guy will come, he would know how to treat her and her baby. Indeed, the hawk guy in the movie must have been facing a great dilemma on his decision to go on with his own wedding or not, when he decided to dance with this girl, just to make her feel good after such horrible, undignified treatment from her ex boyfriend. If he truly loved his bride to be, if he was sure about his decisions that were based on love and not forced by circumstances, then Hawk would not be lurking around the hallways, but instead he would have been excitedly getting ready for his own wedding. It could also be that his sister was getting married and when they saw Hawk later dressed like that it could have been because he was the best man of that other wedding and was dancing with his sister, or sister in law, or because it could have been his twin’s wedding. Yes this story has million other ways to a happy ending; million better ways to deliver morals and inspire masses, yet this script writer decided to fix the broken glass with fabricated morals. I suspect, based on what he wrote that him too must have been hurt at some point in his life when some girl that he may have dumped or mistreated finally found the happiness that she deserved. For this reason he feels bad and wants to ask forgiveness in the most disgraced way ever. Even if this author did not want the hawk and the girl to end up together, yet this script would have been worthy if he would have left it at that, that one beautiful day she was treated right, and because of Hawk she took with her a valuable lesson that day, that she does not need to stick around people who don’t appreciate her.

Now, I know that some readers may be thinking that I go too deep into these matters, and they may even ask, why can’t I just relax and enjoy the damn movie because it was a comedy after all? I would if I could. Believe me, I wanted to do just that. That was my intention, but then this movie came too close at reminding me of my life and the way I was treated, so no, I could not relax at that point, or laugh about my pain and my wounds. The only difference is that I was not dumped by my boyfriend. I dumped him, and never ever regretted for doing so, especially when I learned that he had another girlfriend before me, which was pregnant like the one in the movie at the time he proposed me and I unfortunately said yes. I did not know about her and her pregnancy, otherwise I would have said no. After I dumped him, he ended up marrying his previous girlfriend and I was so happy for her. She does not know that, but I was happy for her, that her love finally triumphed, but I also I hoped and wished that by marrying his first girlfriend, he would be happy at last, because she was exactly what he expected his wife to be. Yet, I doubt that was the case, because a month before his wedding with her, he sent his people to ask me one more time if I had in fact changed my mind about him. But, I never loved him first of all, and I already told him that. I was not the ideal girl for him because I never agreed with him on his theories about love and relationship. I never believed that two people can fall in love when they are in constant contact with one another, or fall out of love when they are not. Life proved me right, and him wrong. I never fell out of love for my hawk, the guy who crushed my illusion of “marriage.” I never saw him again for 11 years, after he woke me up from that endless nightmare I called marriage, by showing me what making love really feels like when you two are a good match for one another, what being treated like you matter really felt like when the one you love also understands you. So, it did not matter whether I looked this guy in the eye long enough to fall in love, because I fell in love almost instantly, and that love and those feelings for him never wore out. Therefore love is not at all what my first ex theorized to be, based on some old books he had access to (all bullshit), the jerk who forced his first girlfriend to abort their baby because he proposed to me and I said yes. I felt like a criminal each time I remembered that my choice to say yes instead of no, destroyed someone else’s life. I could not forgive myself because indirectly I became the cause of that girl’s pain, even though I didn’t know about her existence until later when I separate from him, and people started telling me all about her and what he did to her.

The love that I experienced later on in life with the Hawk guy, was indeed short, but the memory of such emotions had an everlasting effect on me. That love experience was short but intense, just like what this girl in the movie experienced with Hawk. With every new thing that we experienced together, I was falling for him deeper and deeper, until I realized that he could not be mine and I had no rights to call him mine until we were both free of ties, visible and invisible. I guess, I was the one caught in a trap, which then caught that hawk too as he tried to deliberate me. From that experience I learned that love is never forced by circumstances. Love just is, and it exists because you two match perfectly, you two are made for one another. That is the reason for love. Love ether is or is not, right from the beginning. So dear writers of such scripts, think twice before you serve your egoistic master. Do not force things that are never meant to be together, and do not inspire others with the wrong ideas about love.

So going back to the book I was reading this morning and the prisoner’s dilemma, I was again very disappointed with the fact that when the author of this book analyzed the situation in this riddle, he did not take in consideration the human aspect, emotions, or what really matters when we humans make a rational decision. We, as reasonable beings would always choose the option that hurts less, not the option that maximizes our profits. The riddle is stated in the following picture (was too lazy to type it myself):

Hence, I would reason that even though both prisoners had made an agreement earlier to not confess, yet, it is obvious in this deal that if they both confess they would lose little, but if they do not confess they would lose a lot more. The conviction is maximized when one confesses and the other one does not. Therefore, one who uses reasoning, a human being would immediately choose to confess, and that would be the best option that represents the Nash equilibria. The one who does not reason for himself would therefore stick to what they had agreed earlier, to not confess. Indeed, the one who does not reason chooses suffering over compromising, chooses death over life. It is very sad, but this is the truth; we see it every day. Those who make use of human reasoning do not choose violence unless it is for self-defense and there is no other option left.

I would reason in the same way, as in the riddle above, if I would have to play the riddle the Battle of Sexes, where these two newly wed, Alison and Bob could not make a decision about where to spend their evening that night. I would say again that human emotions must be taken in consideration in this game too for the rational decision to take place. I would say that such rational decision will depend on how much in love these two are with one another, and how deeply they know one another.


For example, if my first ex-boyfriend and I would have to play this game, I would go to the ball, because I know he would be heading straight for that place once we would be separated. How do I know that? Because he was jealous, way too jealous, and he never trusted me. Therefore, there would be no other option that he would choose. He would not go to the box even though he may have liked it. My first ex-husband instead, he would have chosen the box because he never cared much about what I liked, or what I would do with my life. He would have decided to enjoy the rest of his evening watching box with the excuse that we were separated and so there was nothing he could do. And if I would had a chance to marry the hawk, if the hawk was that guy who showed me what love truly feels like, then hawk would come to the ball, because hawk loves me. On the other hand, I love hawk too, so I would go to the box, but since hawk is hawk, and he is the one finding me and making me feel special then I would not ruin this chance for him. I will wait at the ball for the hawk to arrive. So, this game has not just one solution either. You cannot have just four boxes to play this game, because it all depends on the characters that play that game.

And as for the infinite regression, which is raised as a problem in the Game Theory when players try to make the best decisions using rational thinking, I do not think this even exists. Infinite regression does not occur when both players use the best reasoning. Therefore the infinite regression will not continue forever, as they try to insinuate in the game The Battle of Sexes, when they state that infinite regression is something like this, as in this picture:

19657416_1406128206140146_1134095366737721533_nnew new new

This argument does not continue in infinity because it will end right when Alice puts herself in Bob’s place and decides to think as Bob would think about what Alice would be thinking. Hence, my first ex would have thought I would go to the ball because I would want to prove him wrong that love cannot be forced, so I would throw myself in the middle of the wolves, and he would come to rescue me by forcing me to stay under his protection, because that was a sign of love apparently. Knowing how he thinks would end this regression right there and then.

So, if we are discussing the use of rational thinking  by humans then there is no infinite regression, but if we try to program a machine to think like a human then there is a possibility that this machine would fall into the loop of infinite regression (which works in our favor, doesn’t it?). The Artificial Intelligence would not know what decision to make in the second case when me and my ex-husband are the players, because artificial intelligence would have to psychoanalyze us first, and reach the conclusion that my ex cared less about me or my choices. I know how he thinks because I’ve seen how he always tried to take advantage of every situation to benefit his well-being no matter what consequences his decisions would bring for others. Even if one would argue that Artificial Intelligence can also reach the same conclusions about my ex, if he would have been observed long enough to decode the patterns of his behavior and decisions making, I would say that Artificial Intelligence will still have problems with rational thinking because it has to come up with a reason for such patterns, if indeed AI uses rational thinking. I know why my ex-husband would care less for others, and always make his decisions by automatically thinking that others must adjust their affairs to accommodate him, not vice versa. I know this because of the emotional stories that he shared about his childhood, and so I know that his pattern of thinking and of decision making is that way due to his psychological problems from childhood. He was the youngest child in the family, spoiled yes, but despite that, he was constantly put down by his older siblings and reminded about his wrong choices in the past. Knowing the partner, a human would make decisions according to that partner’s thinking and emotions. Artificial Intelligence, however, will not apply emotional intelligence; it will apply the infinite regression instead. Bingo!

As a conclusion, The Game Theory has no use unless you really understand the psychological issues of each of the players. On the other hand the Game Theory can become a weapon of mass destruction if someone in power reaches a general conclusion based on just one set of players, or on one case scenario and tries to fix the broken glass like they did in the movie Table 19.  They tried to artificially twist the events so that the viewer would conclude in the end that this guy who dumped his pregnant girlfriend was just misunderstood, because he was a sweet sweet boy after all. And to back up this manipulation they use the story of the golden bird of how when they were little kids, his sister got that golden bird as a gift from their Nanny, because this little girl was always upset that her brother had a bird like that but she did not. But when the sister lost her bird, almost immediately after receiving her gift, she cried and cried, and her brother, the future douche bag, gave her his golden bird….How sweet, eh???!!!!! But how come no one stopped thinking for a moment that if he was such a sweet guy why didn’t he share his golden bird with his sister before that? Why the story had to go round and around so that Nanny had to go through a lot of trouble, as she tells us in the movie, to buy the second golden bird for the girl? How come the behavior of this selfish kid changed immediately??? This is not how humans behave, like you flipping a switch. Oppsss… he was bad before, but now he is good, because we forgot to turn on the switch. A human, who makes use of human rational thinking would argue that this little fella lost his sister’s bird instead and then he felt double guilty and that’s why he gave her his golden bird. Now, if you argue at this point that the fact that he felt guilty and fixed the problem should be considered an act of kindness, I would say not so fast my friend…This boy still lied about it, and he kept the truth hidden from his parents and his sister. Then, when he saw that he was treated like a hero for such act of kindness, he started developing the superhero syndrome where he would always cause the trouble first and then will try to fix it by making himself look like a hero-douche-bag…. Does this make sense to you now? I hope so.

Anyhow, I am going to celebrate Canada Day now, and not worry about the self-entitled superheroes anymore. The one who truly was my hero, was the one who never rubbed it in my face that he helped me figure out my own worth. So, that’s all that matters to me. I would say then, welcome to the Table 19, where the unfit fit perfectly, but please stay out of my business. Do not try to fix each others’ problems or judge each others’ decisions. Don’t judge me and I will not psychoanalyze you. Deal? Deal!

So, Happy Canada day my friends!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s