We think with our heads, we think in our heads, we make conclusions that make sense to our heads, not knowing that head is only a tool to express somehow what we deeply know before it becomes clear in our heads. I realized this truth many times in my life but because I could not make sense of the fact that wisdom is not inside my head, I decided to let it sit in my head, until the day came and I understood it better. Wisdom is at our feet, not in our heads. It is the energy that comes from earth, and is found in the collective consciousness of the earth. Earth already knows what you need to know, and earth is not sleeping as some assumed. Earth is a being, a conscious being Jung said, and earth is very much breathing as you and me breathe now, and is using its wisdom to make us aware of our own bits of wisdom. But what is in our heads? Why do we think with our heads and why is this feeling as if head is the most important part of the whole existence. When I say head I mean brain, and when I say think I mean I am aware of a problem that needs to be resolved or of the blessings that I am counting. Whatever the situation, I am aware in my head. When I am not aware that means I am not thinking, and when I am not thinking it means that I am not perceiving the environment that I am in or the information that is coming from such environment. We say, we are unaware of “it.” But what is “it?” It is like the Schroeder’s cat, that it does not exist until we see it or have some other means to realize its presence? The cat is dead, or the earth is sleeping, or demons do not exist for as long as we are not aware of it. This is what head concludes, but is it right?
Now, when you are aware of some negative energy or demonic entities, if you are aware of the cat’s existence but you decide to ignore it, and pretend it does not exist or it is sleeping, that does not end the game, and does not stop the negative energy from affecting you. In contrary, once you become aware of these energies, and that the cat is in the box, but you fear opening the box because it may bring unexpected results, then deciding to postpone dealing with these issues is always temporary. Problems do not disappear. Once you become aware of something you can no longer ignore “it” forever. You are awake.
In my experience, I learned that rushing things is unhealthy, and postponing them too much is painful too because the energy accumulated by such awareness will continue to stimulate your senses and ignoring such energy is like the hair in your eyes. You know that piece of hair is making your vision unclear, and it is causing your eyes to stress out so you can have a better view, and you know that it takes lots of energy to remove that piece of hair, but also lots of energy trying to ignore it. Yet, you neither remove the piece of hair, nor ignore it.You live in between, awareness and unawareness That is when we are in our heads, awake but not aware of everything that goes on around us. When we are awake and have many questions but not all questions can be answered. Some of the matters remain in front of our eyes like the hair that is so fine that is hard to locate it and remove it from the eye, but it is there.
Therefore, awareness is a gift and a curse we can say. It is a gift because we learn new things when we are aware and we can protect ourselves from harm when we are aware, and we can build new things and make our lives more comfortable when we are aware. However, when we are aware of things but don’t quite understand them, then we become frightened and when we become frightened we act irrationally. It make sense right? When you understand something that means you used reasoning, but when you don’t understand something then you cannot reason about it. Hence, wisdom is not in our heads, because if it was in our heads then we must always find that reason, and reason about unknown things instead of acting with panic toward the unknown. Wisdom is at our feet, on the ground we step on, walk on, live on, and return to when we die. There is wisdom. When we die our brain dies, and memories are lost, but not the knowledge, not the wisdom that we once carried within ourselves. But what is Self?
Self has been the subject of psychology from the very beginning. Self has been the subject of philosophy too, therefore many theories exists that try to explain the self from many different perspectives. Self is like the elephant in the room; we all see it differently and we are afraid to accept that we only see part of it, but we act as if we know it entirely.
Self, as I see it is bigger than what I perceive of it. Freud thought that self is the ego, self and ego are the same thing. In contrary, Jung said that Self is the archetype that tries to steer the ego in a certain direction. Hence, for Jung self and ego were two different things. The way I see it is that ego is only a partial awareness of the self. Hence, ego is the self, and ego is not the entire self. Both Freud and Jung were right.
So, how can I say that ego is not the self but it is the awareness of the self? To reach this conclusion I started from the moment I open my eyes in the morning. At that moment I become aware of myself and of my limits in time and space. That moments of awareness tells me that I am in my bed lying down, and that I can move my arms and my legs and these are the extremes of my body hence these must be where myself ends. But, this is the ego trying to make sense of what is going on from the very first moment that I open my eyes and become aware of my existence in this body till the moment I go to sleep and slowly lose my awareness and become unconscious when I fall asleep. Hence ego is that functioning of the brain that tries to make sense of sensations received from the environment and deriving conclusions based on the previous knowledge, whether is something this physical body should do to preserve the existence of myself. Ego is like the captain of a submarine, it knows parts of it, but not all the parts, it knows how submarine functions, what certain buttons will do, but does not understand every single process, and when something goes wrong with the submarine the captain either knows it from experience or will refer to trouble shooting manuals to learn what needs to be done. The good news is that there is enough material that people can read and find wisdom about how to understand themselves. The bad news is that there is also lots of garbage mixed with good information. This is indeed really bad, bad news. It is better to know nothing and start building that knowledge slowly, slowly, generation after generation, than it is to sort out facts from fiction. To sort out facts from fiction one must have a model that works first. But do we have a model that works? And if you think you do, how do you know? How can you prove that that model works? How can you be sure that you are not deceived to believe and follow the wrong model? How can you be sure of your conclusions when ego is limited and ego is the one making the conclusions for the self? Now, you must accept that you do not know the truth, and you only know part of the truth; the part that makes sense to you, to your ego, to your awareness. That is exactly what we need to do, accept that we are limited and put all the pieces together to see the bigger picture. However, by accepting that we do not have all the answers and that each of us holds parts of the truth, this exact statement, this confirmation opens room for deception. Now anyone can come in the mix and offer you a piece of information by saying that he or she or it is also holding part of the truth.
Well, this is a real problem and must not be ignored, just because it feels uncomfortable to accept it. Deception will be present for as long as we hold part of the truth. And we will hold part of the truth for as long as we are limited in space and time, which means, for as long as we are aware on this human body. That does not necessarily mean that when we die or when we sleep our individual consciousness goes somewhere and becomes smarter and learns the truth, because our consciousness is always connected with collective consciousness whether we are awake in this human body or asleep. Hence, if our individual consciousness becomes aware of the ties between individual self and collective self (consciousness), then wisdom has a chance to teach you something. If we keep searching for the truth as an individual, without the awareness of such ties, then wisdom cannot teach you anything, or communicate with you in any possible way, because you are entirely in your own world, believing that wisdom is in your head.
Again, I realize that in any piece of information I share, there is plenty of room for misinterpretations. For example, when I said that one must become aware of his (her) ties with collective consciousness then, the word tie in itself means restriction and restriction is deceptive. Because becoming aware of these ties does not mean becoming aware of limitations, because we are already aware of limitations, whether we accept it or not. Becoming aware of these ties means realizing how you are connected with others and other parts of the universe; means that you see yourself and the knowledge you carry about yourself to fit well with others and their information. Becoming aware of these ties with the collective consciousness means learning to not rush into judging or dismissing any information without evaluating it first. Becoming aware of the existence of these ties it also means that you trust your unconsciousness and have built such a report with it that you often allow unconsciousness, and its wisdom, to make decisions instead of your ego.
I would like to share a couple of examples here on how I became aware of unconsciousness and let that decide in some critical moments, instead of my ego. Example #1. I was driving to work one day, and as I approached an intersection where I was about to make a left turn, the light turned red. I stopped and waited patiently for my turn when the green arrow would show on the traffic lights. And the green arrow came on. I saw the green arrow, and I was aware that it was my turn to turn left at that intersection, just like I had planned and I had done every day on my way to work. Nevertheless, I stood there frozen, and unwilling to press the gas pedal. I even had time to question myself, why am I so stupid sitting here doing nothing, instead of driving? Yet, I continued to stay still, doing nothing for another second or so, which seemed like eternity, until I became aware of this little boy, 11 or 12 year old riding his bike right in front of my car. I said to myself, “Thank you for being stupid today, because you saved a life.”
Example #2: I was again driving and this time I was inside my building’s garage. The way they have set it up in my building is a one way drive, which makes it pretty easy to follow, when going in or out, but it takes longer to get to your parking spot. However, even though one way paths are easy to follow as it eliminates the traffic jams, yet, with all those twists and turns it actually increases the danger that you may hit a pedestrian coming out from the lobby to get to their cars. That is why, I often drive carefully when there is a turn and the view is not very clear, as I cannot see too far ahead because of the walls’ structure and the thick poles in between. I was taking the turn at one of the parts of the garage as usually and almost felt driven by this urge to press the breaks. I did this for about four or five times, because of this uncomfortable feeling and an image popped in head that a child was about to come out of the door, running carelessly in my path. And sure enough it happened. There were two boys and their mom, one of the boys came out of the door like an arrow charging at full speed, laughing and carelessly running in front of my car. I was expecting him. Not only I was driving slower than usual, but also I was ready to apply my breaks at any time.
Example #3. I have three children and all three times I was aware of their conception right from day one and it drove my doctors’ crazy because such pregnancy test that would tell you the results soon enough did not exist. Yet, I was aware that it did happen. Then I knew exactly the day and time when my children were about to be born against the doctors’ predictions. Each time they said, “Oh don’t worry, this baby will take longer. From what we see, it’s gonna take a couple more hours,” and I rushed them to think otherwise and get prepared quickly, because baby was about to come out in less than an hour. And it did happen, and they were shocked each time.
Example #4: I quit my job as a high school teacher from the Toronto Catholic School Board, in April 2011. It was the time where I needed to reflect on the fact that continuing to teach in a Catholic High School, despite of the many reasons I had to keep that job with great benefits and good payment, it felt wrong, quite wrong. I felt so uncomfortable going to work every day that I started to notice every little thing that went wrong or that made feel upset, things that I would have brushed off at other times. I had no valid reason to quit. So what that I disagreed with their religion at that point? So what that I started to question my faith in Jesus as the son of God? Who was going to open up my brain and my heart? No one. I could think whatever I wanted to think, and just continued to teach that damn mathematics and formulas, who cared? But I did; my bigger self, the unexplained and unconscious to my ego, that self cared. I listened to it. It was a shock to my family members and colleagues, that money meant nothing to me. My ex-husband questioned not only my sanity but also my faith that things would work out better for me in the end. And they did. I spent two months on vacation first which I really needed to clear my head out from all the brainwashing done while going to church and acting like a good catholic every day at work. Then, as soon as I came back, I got the job right where I wanted and the teaching at a college instead of high school, just like I wanted. My bigger self, the part that seems unconscious but it is not, was pushing me in the right direction, even when I doubted. However, even when I doubted it, I obeyed it, and the rewards have been pretty satisfying and fulfilling so far. Indeed, it was this unconscious part of my self, that made me aware ahead of time that each of the relationships I consciously formed in my life, were only temporary. Despite of the big efforts that my ego exercised trying to hold onto these relationships and trying to find good reasons as why I had too, my bigger self, my true self, felt uncomfortable and unsettled. But, three other times, this very unruly self, this true self not my ego, stood still and completely satisfied as it recognized the right soul mate for me. However, it was not the right time to enjoy our union and this very self, not the ego, decided to say no to the earliest attempts to connect.
I trust myself, the bigger and deeper self, but unknown and not totally understood by my ego. I trust this self because so far has never been wrong. Even when things took longer to unfold, this self proved to be right. What I do not know is whether I trust myself because all things went right when I trusted it, or I trusted it first and that is why all things went right. But one thing I know for sure and I want to share it with you, and that thing is that when a certain feeling repeats and persists, listen to it very carefully. If it is like a persistent urge with lots of chaotic feelings mixed in it, then it is not right. If it is a persistent feeling that things need to change but you fear of the unknown and this holds you back, you fear others judging you, fear of being labeled, then ignore all the noise and go for it. This is in fact the first step of my formula: Think. It is easy to think with your ego, and your brain, because ego will list all the good reasons to do or not to do something, and if you pay careful attention to that list, ego chooses all these reasons based on what it has learned from living in this reality and in this society day after day. Hence, behind each reason is fear. However, if you put yourself in a state where fear is not part of it, like daydreaming, meditating, writing, singing, dancing, running, while you enjoy doing what you like doing, try to imagine your life differently. Imagine as if there is nothing to fear in the world, nothing to stop you from doing what you want to do, nothing to hold you back, nothing to stop you on your way, what would you have chosen to do? That is where you find your wisdom, your true self. Once you found it, follow it. It feels very comfortable, very peaceful once you follow it. Yet, be aware that connecting with your true self is not permanent, it is not a state of being that will last forever, like a static state of being, because when you reach that state that means that you have lost your will power to move on. It is always something that you will never know about your self, your unconscious self, and that is what keeps us moving. And it is OK, it is good actually to always have something to search for, look for, to have soothing to dig for, be curious about. All you have to do is play but be careful not to turn it into a dangerous game. Go with your deeper feelings, not with your reasons from the brain that you ego finds as it connects the facts, not with your emotions that come from the painful memories when you were hurt, go with your gut feelings, those that you cannot explain, and keep your soul at your feet with feet on the ground, not in the clouds.