The hardest battle of all is the battle with yourself, but winning over yourself, is the best victory of all. This is one way of translating Plato’s original saying as he stated it in Greek. This statement has been one of the strongest motto for me in life, because I am one of those people who changes her mind every so often. I considered it to be a bad thing at first, until I started to realize the benefit that can be derived from it. Yes the down side of constantly changing my mind is the fact that I have to go back to the stores every time I buy something; back and forth to change the items I buy, because either because I find out later that I have duplicates of them at home, or that the size is wrong, or that I do not need them above all. Yes I changed my mind about almost everything. It was frustrating at first, and I even looked for tips from people to teach me how to be assured and stay firm on the choices I make. None of those tips helped me until I decided to accept that the two most famous nicknames, that my dad used for me, perfectly described me, my own nature and my life, and these nicknames were “pink panther” and “Haxhi Pishmani.” As pink panther, I am pretty sure many of you have heard about,is that detective that accidentally and with all its stupidity manages to destroy what he wants to help by discovering this way bigger plots, “Haxhi pishmani” on the other hand is quite unknown to many of you. So let me briefly explain that Haxhi was the name of the main character in one of the popular Albanian folk story and this person had always regretted his choices by constantly changing his mind and his decisions. Hence, Haxhi pishmani- Haxhi the one who always regrets. But, I am not always regretting or changing my mind because I want to. Sometimes in life I am forced to. There are moments in my life when I am pretty sure about my choices, 100 or 1000 percent sure of what I want and what I desired to pursue. Nevertheless, even in those moments of 100 or 1000 percent assurance I will always be stopped from pursuing what I really want. Abruptly and brutally my course of life changes and I will be given a different choice from my own choice. I hate when this happens; I hated it all my life, but I learned to adapt and that is how I survive in this crazy life.
I indeed have many tips on how to adapt in situations like this, if you too, like me feel that your life is being run by a crazy and chaotic force that wants to see you fail. I share some of those strategies in my book Secret Beyond the Secret. But let me share here some quick examples of how I try to adapt in this life by looking at these unpleasant events from a different perspective in order to find something I may like so that I can hold on tight onto it and enjoy the ride. One of those unpleasant situations and one of the strongest that left a great impact on me was the one I experienced during my teenage years. I really loved science, physics to me more precised. I wanted to become a scientist, a scientist, and only a scientist. I envied Marie Curie and my dream was that one day I would discover how the atom works and what is that mysterious force that keeps the atom’s particles together. When my grade 7 teacher told me that science does not know yet how particles stay together inside atoms but that this is also one of the strongest and most mysterious forces of nature, it then became my aim to study more about the atom so that one day I would discover the mystery behind this force. But, just when I was so sure, 100 or 1000 percent sure of what I wanted to study at the university, a bunch of communists in the communist committee that ran and controlled the life of people in our city, as part of the Communist Party that controlled the fate of all Albanians, decided that I should not be allowed to continue my university studies in physics but in mathematics instead. I was very upset, devastated even, because even though I loved math and I was pretty good at it, I did not feel as excited and as much passion as I felt when I studied physics. Nevertheless, I learned to accept my fate, or the fate that others choose for me. I learned to feel happy instead of sad when I looked at my problem from a different perspective. I reasoned that my problem would have been even worse if that communist committee would have stuck with their previous plan on denying me the right to continue any kind of post secondary studies just because I came from a family with a bad name; a family of spies that hated communism, a story that started 44 years ago when my grandfather was executed by the members of the communist party using the same accusation. My father also was a victim of communist’s persecution, and I was my father’s daughter who had a father that he could not even remember, but that hated the communists, and because of his blood, chances were that our blood was now infected with hate for communists. Does this make sense? Well, it did to them. So my father too, was abruptly steered in a direction he would have never freely chosen. He wanted to become an aviator, and he almost made it. As he was getting into the flight that was going to take him to Moscow, Russia, for further studies in becoming a pilot, the communists, the devoted protectors of the people of Albania, called him aside and told him that because of his real biological father, which my dad had failed to declare in his application, he was denied the scholarship and the visa to go to Russia, and he could no longer pursue any form of career in the field of military or aviation. And so my father became an electrical engineer instead. Thanks to his brilliant mind, and positive attitude of living moment by moment, and enjoying life to the max, he became one of the best electrical engineers in whatever place he worked later on in life. I am telling you, he became like a god. Everyone needed him to fix what went wrong or understand and explain how things had to be done. The rest of the time, he was left to enjoy playing chess and soccer, or shooting some mischievous looks at girls who could never leave him alone. I think, my dad was so sincere, that people knew what he was thinking before he even get to do anything at all. But, that’s a different story, and he never learned to hide his true nature of a man-child that wanted to take from life all that he could, even though because of it, he was getting in trouble left and right.
Yes, indeed I learned from the best. I had two parents, two wonderful parents, which I never appreciated their presences in my life until lately. My dad taught me to be myself and follow my dreams, but also how to adapt when necessary in order to enjoy life and feel happy. My mom, on the other hand always played by the rules and norms, but she was never truly happy, on the surface she was. In a certain way, they both adapted to something. My mom adapted to looking perfect in every way, the model wife, model mother, model friend, model teacher, you name it, but unfortunately feeling miserable inside herself, since she had to always protect and fight to keep up with that image that she created, and that others expected from her. My father on the other hand adopted to a life style that allowed him to enjoy everything that life could offer; enjoy too much coffee, enjoy food, sex, enjoy playing soccer, breaking rules, working 2 out of 8 hours of workday. “Why not? I was very efficient at my job,” my dad always said. Indeed, something that others struggled for hours to fix or understand, he resolved it in minutes, and that is why his superiors always told him, “Well, Jimmy you deserve that break now.” So with this attitude “life has to be enjoyed to the max, day by day and moment by moment,” he annoyed me too, but also taught me how to adapt in life.
I remember when I was little and just like every kid I wanted to watch my TV shows, but my dad was the king of the remote. He owned the remote/specter and no one else. Complaining about it and my rights to watch TV would not have resolved anything; my dad was very authoritarian too, scary authoritarian. Oh! I would not dare. So, I thought of it and instead of complaining and feeling miserable I decided to sit there, beside him and pretend to be very interested on what he was watching. Many times this attitude annoyed him and I ended up winning the remote. In other cases it served me to learn more about science and facts and I also learned a new hobby, watching and predicting the scores for the soccer games. I became very good at predicting the scores. As I became a great fan of the soccer game, I fell in love with two teams simultaneously. I just could not escape my nature of living in doubt, could I?. I loved Brazil’s team the most, but because of Maradona I loved Argentina’s team too. I think predictions became very tough for me the year when both teams played against one another and I could not, just could not choose which team would win that game. And so I predicted that the game would end in a tie, and it happened exactly like that, but this somehow affected the result for the final game. I do not have a good memory, I must admit, so I can not remember in what year was this game played, but it was for sure during one of the world cup soccer championships. So today I decided to google the event. To my biggest surprise I learned today that Maradona did not play in 1978 world cup, when this game was played. I could not believe my eyes, Really? This is funny because this is not how I remember it. Is this a joke or is this the Mandela effect everyone is talking about? Am I too being affected by this phenomenon?
Many funny, funny things I heard happened with this Mandela effect, but I want to clarify something here, that I do not believe in things like this. According to some folks on internet that keep wow-ing us with facts over Mandela effect, some time-space shifting occurred and we entered into a different dimension, or even parallel universes. I just have a hard time believing in conspiracy theories or hokes-pokes theories for as long as we can find a perfect scientific explanation for them, or a perfect reason to create them. I do believe that some changes may have occurred in the collective data on the information stored on internet at some time. When did this interference occur? Was it in 2000, or was it in April 2008, was it before or after? I do not know, but what I know is that when big changes of facts like this one take place, then that must have a pretty darn good reason. Maybe someone or something is trying to hide some facts, some crimes even, who knows? But whatever it is, it is obvious to me that they are trying to hide and alter information, that’s all. When you hide one form of information, obviously this will also affect all other information and data related to the chain of events connected to this event that they try to hide. Looking at Mandela effect from a different perspective we could also argue that it is quite the opposite actually, that someone or something is trying to uncover the previously hidden facts and data or even crimes. So what really happened, and when, and who is trying to hide the what, and why? I do not know for sure, and I am not here to make any further speculations by making the situation even worse. But, I do follow one rule in my life which keeps me grounded. I learned that what may seem bad is good and what may seem good is bad, and neither is guaranteed to follow the same pattern as always. So, I embrace this “Haxhi Pishmani” nickname as one of the best things to help me survive and adapt.
Indeed, I am more careful now and this helps me not to jump into conclusions, even when I am 100 or even 1000% sure. With this new attitude I do not fight against the current of events in life. Fast conclusions based on new information one receives can give you a shock, causing a short circuit, but also resisting for too long to accept the new information can also burn you down after awhile. Resistance is never a good thing, but also pushing too hard is never a good thing either; letting things flow is the best one can do in times of crises and it’s the only solution to keep a peaceful mind. Reflecting back to what Jesus said about turning the other cheek it makes sense when you use the concept of electrical current and resistance to explain that violence and strong resistance is not helpful to anyone. I explain this further in the Law of Resistance in my book The Twelve Laws that Define a Human. The basic idea is that being less resistant makes one more adaptable and can take one further in life. It worked perfectly for me, and anyone s welcomed to try using this law too. I don’t want to brag about how difficult my life was and how I managed to turn it around and be so successful today because this would be totally wrong. First of all talking about my emotional and psychological pain that I endured in life is never fun and there is nothing to brag about. Second, if one measures success with the amount of fame and money one has at the bank, then no, I did not succeed, I simply survived. Nevertheless, surviving is the greatest word one needs to hear these days. Yes, surviving is the key, not to winning fame and succeeding in becoming rich, but to adapting; to adapting to a new life. If you learn to survive, if you learn to adapt to whatever is coming toward you, if you keep finding a positive side to every thing happening to you, if you learn to love and live moment by moment, live in the now, in the present, learn to not give into the fear about the future, then you won big, bigger than those who succeed in becoming rich and famous, because you won the best war of all, the war against you, your own nature. You adapted and so you evolved.