It is strange how obsessed humans are with themselves. We have a bit of Narcissistic genes in our DNA, that’s for sure. I am not the only one who loves to see my own pictures and my videos; I think I look cute in them. When I was younger I dreamed of some special technology that would take pictures of me all the time, and would videotape me in those cute moments, and then show these to me one day, when I am bored. I knew that this was just a fantasy, just my own imagination, and it doesn’t matter if one day this fantasy may come true or if it already did. What matters is the fact that I loved myself and the way I looked and acted. Well, loving yourself is a necessity to continue to exist. If one doesn’t like or love oneself then one can easily commit suicide at the slightest difficult in life, and should not surprise us at all that someone who has no self love and easily hurt others too, because if one does not love oneself then why would one love someone else? However, our obsession with ourselves comes to a certain point where it reaches the highest pick. If we could realize that we have reached that point where we become easily offended by others’ comments and take things too personally or if we want to prove our worth at every person we meet, then this is the moment to back off and realize that something is going wrong.
It is a bit hard to let go of this obsession with ourselves, especially in this new culture of selfies. But we can use this to boost our self-esteem and feel happy, instead of reminding ourselves that with that selfie or that publicity we are proving our worth to the world. Others must now see and notice how worthy we are. When it comes to this point that you insist on showing your beauty and your values then this is the moment to reflect on yourself and ask yourself why? Why do you need to prove to others that you are worthy? What is triggering this inferiority feeling in you? And pretty much anyone can do this process; you don’t need a psychologist or a tape recorder to show you what went wrong and when did you start feeling this way about yourself. Yourself is made in a perfect way to remember the pain, hurt, the joy, and any other strong emotions. Emotions are needed and are part of living because without emotions we will not remember important lessons in life, those lessons that one day will become our beliefs and our drives.
So, to find out what triggers the need to prove our worth we must look in the mirror and see ourselves, the true self, and ask, “What is bothering you?” But in order to be sincere with yourself and tell the truth, you must first love yourself. Hence we have this gene of self-love, no doubt about it. Once you learn to love yourself you will not be afraid to look in the mirror and say, “Ah, I see. Something bothered you today, because you thought you are not worthy enough. You thought you were not worthy enough because you had that episode the other day, and so on and so on.” And after you see the true problem, you do not point fingers at others; you point your finger at the wound you had been carrying on, for days, months or even years. Be gentle as you touch the wound and give it lots of love but also examine it to find out what needs to be done to fix it. Then you tell yourself, ”You are such a brave soul. I am proud to be you, and we will fix this problem together so it will not hurt you anymore. I forgive you for hurting me all this time. You were just doing your job to show me there was something in you that needed to be healed.” I did this process many times, with my own wounds until I reached the point that I do not have to prove my worth to anyone. If I feel something wrong in me because of others’ comments then it is my problem and I have to find what hurts me inside and heal it gently and with love. I was not that smart to find this method on my own. I must admit, it was my meditation instructor who taught me this. He told me to forgive myself. My first reaction was, “What? I am perfect. Why do I have to forgive myself? What have I done wrong?” But, when I went home, I decided to try what he said, anyhow. It was hard, so hard to do that. I could not believe it. You must be a brave soul to face the truth in the mirror. I did it, and I can tell you that when you do it once, it is easy to do it all the time. It gives you such great sense of relief.
But the question now becomes, why do we accumulate these memories and feelings that hurt us and why don’t we let them go earlier? What is preventing us to free ourselves from certain feelings of guilt or anger, or worry of being less perfect than what we thought we were? The answer to this has been known for many years now. Freud said it first. It is our ego that is trying to protect us from feeling hurt that hides these memories, and represses them down, and consoles us with fake gratitude of how perfect we are, how much money we make, how much we help others, how valuable our contribution is to the family or the company, how perfect we look on that selfie. However, I would go deeper in this matter and discuss it on my next post as why Ego does that? Years ago I posted another post here on my blog asking a similar question “Is Ego good or bad?” I realized that ego may not be bad at all if we become conscious of its mechanism and use it to benefit us not to abuse us.