The shock on my students’ faces when I told them that earlier in human history those who were optimistic were labeled as crazy, delusional, and even locked away into mental wards. On the other hand, there is such mental disorder called delusional mental disorder in those cases where the patient is out of touch with the reality. However, distorting the reality is ego’s default defense mechanism. It is indeed ego’s job to protect us from getting hurt. If one does not protect oneself from criticism or anything that is meant to emotionally and psychologically harm them, then this individual is either not a human or is not normal. Usually psychopaths do not get easily offended and they may continue smiling at you while they plan your death. So, distorting the reality to protect oneself is expected, it is a human reaction. Continuing to dwell on it by forcing yourself and others to believe at any cost that what your ego is making you believe is true despite all the facts from reality that speak otherwise, is the sign of the delusional mental disorder. So not all optimism is good and not all pessimism is bad. In fact preparing yourself for the worse case scenarios, is always better. But again, dwelling too much into negativity and into pessimism is not good either for our health in general and for the mental health in particular.
It is always this balance that we need to find out to live a healthy life of not too happy and not too sad, not too optimistic but not too pessimistic either. How can one go on living a life like this where in every moment one has to worry to not tip the balance too much on one side or the other? This is simple. The solution is to not worry. Just two days ago after the doctor’s appointment for our daughter my ex and I were talking in the parking lot about arrangements for our daughter, when he pointed out that my front tire had a nail. I panicked for a moment, and even had that impression that my tire was a bit flatter than usual. I asked him if he had any suggestions on what to do in such cases. Doctor’s office was one hour drive from home and I was not sure if I could still be OK driving back home. To tell the truth, I wasn’t waiting for any advice but more or less for an encouragement like, “Oh don’t worry you will be fine, just drive straight to the mechanic near home. One hour drive is nothing.” Instead he said that I needed to stop to the nearest Canadian Tire and buy this and that (I even forgot what he said that I should buy) and then to apply it on my tire and then drive to the nearest mechanic. I looked at him and then at the tire and said, “You know what? I will be fine. Why don’t you drive our daughter home at your place and I meet you there in an hour.” He agreed and full of concerns (I appreciated it, but not needed), advised me one more time to avoid highways and to look for the nearest Canadian Tire. I wasn’t going to do that. I said, “No, I am driving straight to the mechanic and I know I will make it safe and sound.” He shook his head. This episode it probably reminded him what a crazy woman I am that never takes danger too seriously, unlike him that is very cautious in every step. So I left. I put my happy music on and started driving to my mechanic; enjoyed my ride and yet I was careful not to speed up or pass other cars. I was careful, kept my hands on the wheel, and remained alert but not alarmed for any deviations during that ride. Nothing bad happened. I made it safe and sound an hour later to my mechanics. He looked at the car right away, and five minutes later he comes to the waiting room laughing. I was surprised. He said that because I had winter tires on the nail was thick but short and it was caught in between the patterns of the winter tire. Thank God, nothing needed to be fixed, nothing at all. And I can tell you that this is not the only case where I set my worries to zero and sail with the wind.
What I have noticed in life and tried to explain it later in my books from a scientific perspective, based on the laws of energy, is that the more we worry the more we create swirls of negativity around us, and the more things go wrong. This idea or phenomenon, which I am not the first or the last to notice, has nothing to do with spirituality even though it may seem like it. However, I will not go into scientific details in this post. But I will try to explain it in a simple way as much as I can, as why I do not believe in curses or good luck and I do not carry anything special, yet I consider myself quite lucky in life despite of all the circumstances that quite often put me in disadvantage. The reason for such luck is the result of my mindset, the way I think. I keep myself in positive moods and try to find reasons to think positive rather negative. Of course I am not the only one believing that a positive mindset attracts positive solutions and positive things in life. Many people probably heard the same thing from the popular book The Secret or from those speakers who inspire and teach the Law of Attractions. However, quite in contrary to all others, I believe that there is destiny and that we all follow a predetermined path in our lives. We do not create our own destiny just by wishing for positive things and having a positive mindset, we follow destiny.
But how is it that we attract positivism in life by thinking positive and we can cause more trouble by thinking negative? Is any truth in it? Indeed, this part is true. Here is how. Think of our head where all the thinking process happens as a big balloon filled with gas. For every problem that we focus our attention on, we poke a hole on this balloon by directing more gas and more pressure onto the hole (the problem). The more we think about an issue the more we let our energy (gas) out of the balloon. In the same way, if we spread our attention on too many other issues the more holes we poke on the balloon. Knowing this law already, which in my book “12 Laws that define a Human” I explained it as the Law of attention that parallels the Law of Ideal Gases in physics, I realized that worrying about the tire that day would not have resolved my problem. Instead, concentrating my energy into paying attention while driving, was helpful and kept me from worrying. Yet, thinking positive, being positive and attracting positive events in life does not mean creating your destiny, because things do not randomly happen. If everything was in chaos then maybe you would have a better chance to take your fate in your own hands, but life has proven otherwise, that things happen for a reason. Many centuries ago (maybe even today) people believed in good luck charms. These charms gave them the trust that things will be OK for them. Other people believe that praying on a certain deity or following certain rituals will keep them safe. All these practices are acceptable and it can be explained why they work well for believers but do not work for non-believers. The effect of their belief in these people’s minds that the charm, or that particular prayer to that particular deity is going to protect them is also known in Psychology as the Placebo effect. This is why in my other book Secret Beyond the Secret, I emphasize the need to pray or make a wish before making any plans or taking any actions. By doing this step, Pray, in the formula Think-Pray-Dream-Dare, you will give your mind the boost it needs to believe that everything will be fine, and you will be taken care of. This however,is not a lie. You are not lying to yourself or fooling yourself as the Placebo does, but you need the same strong belief as the one created by Placebo. So how can this be? When you pray or wish, you are releasing the energy of your thoughts into the universe. This energy is not lost. It will come back. So yes, I believe that once you make the wish and your intentions are not to harm anyone, then rest assure that things will unfold the best way possible by following the paths already designed and predetermined by the universe. All you have to do is to patiently wait for things to unfold as to avoid worrying and taking unnecessary actions which will create unnecessary chain of events. Believe that universe works perfectly fine, like a clock, and so, all you have to do is release the energy (the wish) and wait for it to come back at the right time without pushing or forcing anything. I continually mention and explain it in my books and my posts here in this blog, and please forgive me for being so boring sometimes, but I believe that it is important to mention it again that every time we initiate violence in order accomplish our plans, we are doing something wrong.
When you find that peaceful state of mind where you do not feel like panicking or worrying for every little thing, or trying to create security for the future by making your specific plans and going way too much ahead of yourself, when you find that balanced state of mind by believing in destiny yet believing that your prayers will be answered than you have found your golden mean, the perfect state of being.
Just the other day, as I was driving with my oldest daughter to go somewhere, we saw that the traffic was stopped by some police cars at the intersection. She asked me, “Mom, what is going on, can you see anything?” I answered, that I could not see anything. My oldest daughter is 21 years old but she too, like everyone else, would be scared and think the worse after so many acts of terrorism that we hear on the news lately. So she continued, “Mom I am scared, with so many things that we hear. The bomb in Brussels airport, and Paris before, and the bombs in that village in India. What makes us think that it will not happen here in Toronto too?” I calmly answered, “It could happen here too, Nothing can make us sure that it will not.” She panicked and raised her voice, “Mom, aren’t you supposed to make me feel better not worse? Can’t we do something about terrorism at least?” I answered, “Sure we can. We can all do something about terrorism. It starts with yourself first. Be in peace with yourself. Consider life as a gift not as if you own it. What can you do if indeed there was a bomb about to explode in the next minute? Nothing. Nothing you can do about the minute that will come after. However, you can do something about this minute that you are living now. If you stop worrying about what will come next, and whether a bomb may or may not explode, and instead start enjoying this very minute that you have now, you are making yourself and the world a favor. You are spreading peace and positive energy instead of panic and negative energy. You can make yourself happy right at this minute, because your happiness in this very minute is totally up to you, but the next minute is not in your hands.”
Indeed I believe that we can all contribute a little into the world’s peace by stopping this obsession with security, power, money, safety and so on. If we all start enjoying life minute by minute, then the more love and positive thoughts we spread into the world and people around us, the more positive things will come back to us because energy is never wasted. Energy is only transformed from one type to another; it transforms from positive thoughts to positive emotions to positive attitude then positive actions of love, and this is how it can go on and on. Peace within you will bring peace into the world. Live life one minute at a time.