Dear empath friends,
I want you to know that I am one of you. I feel the same you do, and I suffer the same way as you suffer for others. We empaths have this curse but that which we consider it a blessing indeed. We feel happy only when others feel happy. This is called eudemonic personality. We are driven by the need of helping others and rushed into any adventure or danger for as long as we see the potential to making others happy or save them. Others may be driven by Hedonic perspective for their wellbeing, which means they take anything that comes their way which may serve them to make them happy and bring more pleasure for them and them only. The wellbeing of themselves is a very important matter for Hedonic personalities. Yes they may seem as if they are in need of us, but they are well capable of finding their own happiness and not to wait for us to feed that happiness to them. We on the other side feel important only if someone needs us, and that is wrong too. We must find a way to make ourselves important to ourselves as well, and not depend on who will appreciate our presence and who is looking for our help in order to feel happy of our own existence.
I have been struggling like you for many years, and I thought I became immune to this problem once I became aware of it and I started applying my own formula: Love yourself, Accept yourself, and Forgive yourself. But just recently, an event that triggered lots of emotions and memories of the past put me back on the same path of that empath that I used to be. Again I fell into that trap of those hedonic personalities that are looking for pleasure and more pleasure. I found myself almost sucked into the turmoil of emotions of a psychopath that had been following me like a shadow for all my life. He cannot find happiness on his own and he needed me to feel sorry for him. I was easily convinced, and rushed into his path day after day after day, looking for ways to make him happy, while he continued to play games as if he is suffering and suffering and suffering for my absence. It is not easy to use logic and line up all the facts together when emotions take over your whole being. You cannot possibly be calm to see the truth behind the game, and here is why: We empaths have a supper sensitive nervous system. Our neurons fire impulses that we receive from the environment much faster than those who have a hedonic personality. We mirror quickly their pain, their suffering and their emotions, even if they are faking it. Although to tell the truth I have been looking into their situation a bit more lately and I came to the conclusion that there indeed may be some drama going on inside the minds and consciousness of hedonic personalities.
Their trouble seems to be the fact that they cannot reach climax. They can never be fully satisfied in sex or food, or money, or power, or anything else that brings pleasure for others in life. When they cannot reach this climax they suffer. They are always in the aroused state of being but never satisfied. Again, as an empath I started to feel sorry for them, and I thought maybe I can help them (him), until I realized that I was doing this to my own expense. So I am here to tell you that you do not have to do anything for them. You give them food for thoughts and they must use their own imagination to reach their climax. In the meantime distance yourself from them totally and immediately. If you keep feeding them with energy you must be the one to blame for encouraging such behavior. They will continue to suck your energy and you will not be able to fulfill your own destinies, your own duties and purposes in life. In that case there is no one to blame but you. And obviously, an empath always blames themselves first before they point their finger on others. But you see, hedonic personality exists because eudemonic personality exists and vice versa. Therefore, for as long as there are two poles there will always be supply and demand. However, if we stop supplying attention to others instead we shift that attention to ourselves and start giving ourselves the love that we deserve then this increase of demand for attention on our side will cause their demand for attention to become lower while the amount of supplied attention remains the same. In this case we sacrifice nothing. We still give out attention and energy that makes us happy but we do not encourage hedonic and psychopaths to continue their behavior because of the supplied energy that we provide for them.
You may be skeptical at this point and that is fine. You may question whether what I am offering will work. I will try to explain it to you as simple as possible. I will explain it from a scientific point of view using the laws of energies and also from the psychological point of view used in psychotherapies, both of which fields I am an expert of.
From the scientific perspective: We know from the first universal law of energy that energy is never created from zero or disappeared to nothing. Energy is only transformed from one type to another. In this case we have the energy of the empath that is ready to be supplied to others in the form of attention which later transforms into actions and emotions. All these events will unfold only after the empath receives information from a hedonic personality which requests empath’s attention. All these events run on energy that comes from the empath’s attention. It is true that a hedonic personality feels short of energy since they are always in an aroused state, therefore they will continue to send signals that they need more and more attention and more pleasure. Think of them as a child that cries for attention but cannot explain why he cries and does not know how to soothe himself. As for a child however, we have the responsibility to take care of them and we must. I repeat we must soothe our children without the fear that they will become dependent on us. In fact, leaving a child cry for hours so that the child learns to soothe themselves, we are causing much, much more damage. With this action we are in fact encouraging and raising hedonic personalities which through this experience will start thinking that the whole world is against them and life is cruel so they must take destiny in their own hands and fuck up everyone else. Yes, we raised monsters when we did not show our children that there is love in this world and they must be patient sometimes because help and attention will always arrive for them; because someone will always be there to love them, sooner or later. If we fail to show this to our children, then we raise a generation of Narcissistic and hedonic personalities.
So as everything runs on energy, then energy from empath transforms to attention or actions which will tend to increase the energy on hedonic personality. Hedonic personality that never learned to reach climax since was never satisfied as a child will continue to demand more and more, and so all the energy we gave them through our attention will turn into other demands and other unsatisfied issues and more and more non-resolved matters. We as empaths will continue to supply energy the moment we will receive signals and reflect through our neurons the feelings of suffer and need from others. These emotions that we reflected from them are indeed energy, and we transform this energy into attention for them, because that is the only way we know, but this attention is not reflected inside of us so we could heal ourselves. Instead, we give this energy out to them, thinking that they need this energy more than we do. You see, it is a cycle of energies back and forth, nothing is lost but as they keep getting more we are always left with less. Stop the cycle right now. Reflect that emotion of sorrow on yourself to help and heal yourself. By doing so you will not encourage more hedonic personality because you are not hedonic, you indeed need to be a little bit more hedonic to bring balance to these recycle of energies. And if you are hedonic personality, believe me this method will work for you too. You will learn to love yourself on your own by reflecting your attention on yourself and focus on your own resources to find your happiness from inside of you not from the outside world. Learn to love yourself and you will see that others owe you nothing and world is not against you either. You are not a victim, you made yourself a victim by shifting the locus of attention from inside of you to the outside world to find the blame and find more resources for pleasure. Maybe it was not completely your fault. Maybe it was your parents who did not teach you, but now? Now you know better. Life must have taught you something. If not until now then wake up right at this moment and take you happiness in your hands by finding your own resources inside of you.
From a psychological point of view, hedonic personality can be easily associated with Narcissistic Personality disorder. The only way you treat this personality disorder is by mirroring their actions. If they demand energy and attention from you, then you demand energy and attention from them, as simple as that. If you cannot do so, then walk away if you can, and let them be on their own. They will learn to find their happiness on their own because their happiness is not your responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility. Mirroring is a well-known method in Psychotherapy which I am not going discuss it any further on this post.
I want to end this post, this open call to all empaths by pointing out one more important point, that is: If you feel that you are victimized by some psychopaths, hedonic or narcissistic personalities, know that you are not alone. Know that your sacrifices that you made, up to this point, are understood and appreciated even though in some cases these sacrifices that you made with all your good intentions, may have caused pain and drowned others already. But there is nothing that God cannot fix. You can undo those mistakes now. How? Here is how: Think about energy, attention is energy, actions are energy, emotions are energy, thinking thoughts you release energy. Nothing is lost, it is only taken away or given to someone who did not need more actually. If you feel afraid for the life of your children, their safety and security, and that is how you justify your actions of providing more and more energy to these hedonic personalities, then you are wrong. If you tell me that you are doing this to protect your loved ones, if you keep giving in on every demand and request from your narcissistic boss or partner (or even part of yourself – for those with multiple personalities. I may discuss this topic later on) then I want you to know that you are being deceived. Yes indeed you are being deceived to believe that something terrible will happen to your loved ones, and this is how. Being an empath you immediately will blame yourself, before anything takes place in reality. Devil knows that. He knows that you will blame yourself for events and stories and all the different case scenarios that you yourself will make up on your mind of how things may go wrong and what terrifying things may happen to your loved ones if you do not comply with everything the hedonic personality asks you to do.
STOP making up scenarios in your mind. By doing so, believe it or not you are the one to blame for feeding more and more energy to the Devil, the source of all hedonic personalities. Devil himself cannot be blamed, no one can touch him because he only showed you a possible case scenario, but that did not mean he was going to do it or that exactly what he insinuated was going to happen or that he even had that power to make things happen. Believe me Devil flatters himself too much, and often. That is why he deceives us. But, in the end you are the one who fell for his tricks and you are the one who took actions which fed him even more with energy as you complied with all his requests. Again, if you worry about your children or other loved ones, STOP RIGHT NOW! You are not God and stop acting as if you are God. You cannot save others, but you can at least save yourself first, one moment at a time, one person at a time. Once you stop supplying energy to other hedonic personalities you will stop feeding Devil’s source, his deceptions, and the emotions of fear that he induces on you. Don’t be foolish. Save your soul first and as you do so, the source of evil hedonic personality will receive less and less energy by becoming powerless at some point. By helping yourself you are helping the rest of the world. Do it now, before it is too late. Stop feeding Hedonic personalities with energy. Love yourself!