This post may seem like a fiction story because it is our self-defense mechanism that makes us reason that way, that anything that happens at unconscious level, what we feel but cannot explain, those weird dreams, thoughts and images, must not be real. But it is not so. Everything is real. So before I go any further and share with you this wonderful story of two lovers, I want to explain first that when Freud said that Personality is made of three parts: Ego, Superego and Unconsciousness, he meant that all three parts coexist at the same time. He did not mean that either ego or superego or unconsciousness exist, yet, in certain moments one or the other is more obvious. Yes, the truth is that being aware of all three parts of your personality makes it easier to make peace between them. Once you become conscious of your unconsciousness’ acting you learn to not oppose it or dismiss it, you learn to honor it and welcome it, without making you look ridiculous in front of others. That’s the job of ego to share or make you and others aware of what unconsciousness needs and feels at those moments, but arranging those requests in certain ways that they are accepted by the society, by others, and you too, as you feel comfortable in knowing that what you shared is accepted, it is not dismissed, you are not labeled as lunatic, so your superego is in peace too. Hence, ego has the most important function in our existence, that of sharing what our unconsciousness needs without feeling vulnerable and hurting our superego due to labeling and stereotyping of society.
Perhaps you may start thinking now that superego, this part of personality, is the one that causes most trouble, the one that wants us to look perfect, sound perfect, be accepted by others, and therefore take drastic actions to keep up with that image. I would say, that even though may sound true, some people do take drastic actions, and some people fall into depression and all other mental disorders due to repression of true feelings, yet, superego is an important part of our existence. It is due to superego that we refrain ourselves from our wild passions and desires, and the good part of it is anticipation. If there isn’t any anticipation there is no true love, is just raw sex and there is never enough satisfaction on that. If there isn’t anticipation of preparing the food and looking forward to that pie that mom is baking there is no true satisfaction on the act of eating either. If there is no anticipation and no amount of hard work is needed to achieve your goals, then there is no satisfaction on that either. Therefore, superego is the part that refrains us from reaching all at once, but it is needed, so much needed.
On the other hand unconsciousness just is and you can do nothing about it. If you do not have unconsciousness then you never existed before, because unconsciousness is an accumulation not only of the childhood experiences, but all of our previous lives we have ever had. All the pain of the past that was not healed yet, due to the of lack of time one needed to become conscious about those feelings, then those feelings must be resolved on the next life. Therefore, every time a new person is born, the ego and superego are new parts of personality added to this new person but unconsciousness is never something new. Ego is new because ego’s job is to reason what is accepted by society and what you true Identity (unconsciousness feels doing), therefore this ego will depend on skills and talents the person has to make peace between these two parts of himself/herself. For example one can be naturally pessimistic, and someone else can be naturally optimistic. Researches in the field of Positive Psychology have shown that 50% of how we behave, our tendencies to resolve our problems, being optimistic or pessimistic is in our DNA. Therefore, we would depend on these abilities that we have in us to resolve our problems, then Ego is definitely as a result of our DNA. Superego is also new part of personality because it depends on the type of society and culture the person is born to. Superego is formed in the first years of life when our parents and caregivers told us what is right and what is wrong, and why we should feel ashamed of and so on.
So, now that you know all three parts of yourself, ego, superego and unconsciousness is time to hear the story, my fiction story.
Bridget was resting on the couch, on her favorite spot, when all of the sudden she felt this urge to get up and put some music on. After 5 or 10 minutes of dancing to the music like wild, thank goodness her kids were not around, she felt better, yet something inside her felt pretty urgent. She checked all her emails, all the things that could be a cause of anxiety but nothing seemed out of ordinary. As she was surfing the net and reading the news she came across this blog where it seemed like a lover was confessing his love to the girl of his dreams, but somehow could not get to her, for whatever reasons. This captured Bridged entirely. For some unknown reasons she felt like those words were directed to her. How is this possible she thought? Why am I thinking these weird stuff? Nothing made sense, but it seemed so familiar. So she went on and on spending the entire morning reading this stranger’s posts on his blog, until she found out through his words that this stranger apparently was a time traveler, and in a dramatic event which Bridget could never figure out how, he had lost his wife, and he is searching for her up and down. The time traveler was hoping his wife will one day read his messages and join him or recognize him. It was so touchy and romantic. His words were really from the heart. Bridget started imagining if she was that woman, and he was the love of her life.
How romantic would that be, Bridget thought. A lover that never stops loving you, and keeps searching for you through time and space. WOW! That was wow! However, something felt strange for Bridget. Bridget always had this ability of getting quickly excited about things and just as quickly doubting them. She hated herself. All her life she never truly enjoyed a moment without thinking what if this is all fake? She learned to take one minute at a time, literally one minute, that’s all she could give herself without jumping on the other side of her rope and thinking the worst. As so, she wasn’t deeply in sorrow either, because each time something bad will happen in her life she would immediately find something good about that event which filled her with anticipation for the better days in the future. So, here she goes again. What could be more beautiful than a love like this? A man loves his woman, not just in one life but for eternity? Well, Bridget being Bridget, she did find something wrong with this type of love; she called it too possessive, too controlling. Nope she did not like being followed by this crazy guy. So she commented on his blog, telling “me” that’s what the time traveler called himself, that she does not like people who are so persistent, whether pursuing their love or other goals in life. She said to him that this persistence was not the sign of love, instead was the sign of pride, sign of some hurt and pain in the deepness of his unconsciousness, and that “Me” obviously needed help to heal that wound.
Bridget felt really good about of what she wrote at first, but things got a weird turn in her life from that moment on. She started to see signs everywhere, as if he was trying to communicate with her. In every sign was pain and love mixed together. She started to feel guilty for what she wrote on his blog. After two or three days she went back to delete the post, and was surprised to see the post was not there anymore. Bridget was feeling guilty at every moment. Everything around her started to remind her of a lover she had hurt and left him and so on and so forth, and he never stopped loving her, and as Bridget was hearing more and more of these messages, she started to feel more and more anticipation to meet this guy, love him again, offer her love to him, be his slave basically, just so she would not see so much suffer around her any more. Every story, every song, every poem, would remind Bridget of the posts on this time traveler’s blog “Me.” He/Me said that he wrote this for her and was hoping that one day she would find his blog. Bridget was feeling guilty, guilty of something wrong that she was not aware of. Then she did some more digging and bought certain books, followed by her unconsciousness. She finds out more about the time traveler called Me. It seemed as if a spirit was indeed using writers and even singers to get to his girl. He needed her so badly.
All Me’s messages were compelling, but Bridget being Bridget started to doubt on Me’s sincerity. She started to think: If a time traveler does exist, then he must have some advanced technology. If someone comes from a society with such advanced technology then this person must know that there is no such love in life. If his previous wife or lover had died already, then was no point of him searching for her anymore, because she is no longer the same person. What could be left of her is just the unconsciousness, while her ego and superego are new and different from before. Yes, undeniably there must be an attraction between the time traveler Me and his wife’s unconsciousness in Bridget, because unresolved matters had remained, but there was no point in tormenting Bridget to remember the past, when she could not. The unconsciousness does not keep stories in file, it only keeps the feelings, the intense feelings in regards to matters. These are the impulses that keep pulsating on the back of our mind, unconsciously, until the matters are resolved or brought to awareness, but Bridget cannot remember the story, she can only remember the feelings about this guy. And so, Bridget decided to help him, but how?
Bridget had no idea if it could work but she said let’s give it a try, what’s there to lose? So every time she went to bed she imagined making love to him. Strangely enough, every time, without fail, she felt the energy penetrating her. She felt this sweet and warm sensation of some presence filling her with emotions of love and ecstasy. It was a real pleasure, a real sensation, pure erotic and romantic encounter. And each morning she would get up as a new person. She made love to nothing but it felt great, and she felt like she knew more and more of their story each time they made such impossible to describe kind of love. But, the time came when she had to say goodbye to him. He made it clear to him, through her thoughts, that she is a human being and needed to live her life that way. She needed to feel the human touch, a human’s kiss, and even human pain, otherwise everything will seem too unreal and too depressing for her. She knew by this time that all her previous relationships failed because her time traveler lover was causing them to fail. And she forgave him for everything. She had her closure. Now it was his turn to finally say goodbye and have his closure. All that was hidden came into awareness. And now it should be easy to say goodbye. They both understood something very important: Death was not the end of everything, in fact death was worst. If that was the end then nothing will remain, no love, no feelings, no hurt, no pain. But Death is not the end. Death is only an interruption, and as we start all anew with new egos and superegos, we suffer the consequences of death because we are still plugged into our past, unconsciousness.