So, that was about my research on Romantic Love on my previous post, and that was my story as it happened. However, that was not the end of my research. I want to explain now, why and how I managed to turn down that easily the rare passionate love that came knocking on my door like a gift from gods. How was I able to shut off my heart, not allowing any illusions to fool me? How was I able to control my feelings and my instincts even when they were screaming inside me? Is that even possible? Can normal people overcome such strong emotions or am I made of stone? Nope, I can guarantee you that I am not made of stone, I am made of flesh and blood and my feelings hurt me too; my heart breaks every time people treat me with disrespect, or when they pretended to love me, just to find out later that they were lying to me.
So here is how I knew that the passionate, erotic, romantic love of that gorgeous boy with divine beauty was not my true love, and that if I continued to create any more illusions about him then these illusions were going to hurt me badly: I knew that because there was no story in that love he was offering me; it was only romantic. passionate love I can’t even start to describe, but there were no commitment. For the true love to last and flourish you need a story to call it your own. You need to dream about this partner when he or she is not there with you, but you need to dream without the fear that you are taking something that does not belong to you. You need to know that this partner has no other commitments; that he or she is free to enter a relationship with you and develop that romantic love into something that will last through time, which we call true love. This is why I knew, that the love he was offering, was not mine and the passion was not going to last. My case was very complicated, because it seemed as if I was the one having an affair since legally on papers I was still married, but in fact I was free to do as I pleased. My then husband and I had an agreement to live separate lives under the same household, for financial reasons and for the sake of our children. However, when I realized my potential of finding true love, I immediately asked my then husband for divorce, and he easily packed his stuff and left for Albania, leaving everything to me, and even giving me my full custody for our two children, trusting that I would take a good care of them. I thanked him for the trust he showed in me. I was and still am grateful for what he did.
In the meantime this boy who ignited in me the belief that romantic, erotic love does exist, did not stand a chance in convincing me that he was my true love, and he knew that. That’s why when I told him that my circumstances had changed, and because of that, I was not the same as before, and he should never contact me again, he did not insist. Yet, I thank him from the bottom of my heart because he showed me that it was not my fault that my relationships were not satisfying. His love showed me that I was worthy more than men in my life tried to make me feel. I came to realize at that point, and all thanks to this short lived ecstatic story, that when a man feels inferior and incompetent toward his woman, due to the fact he is not able to fulfill his woman’s basic needs, then the man will use any strategy that he knows to make her feel inferior. On the other hand, women also trigger such behavior when they feel unfulfilled by their men. Therefore, it has to be passion first, before moving into a real and true relationship.
Through my abusive relationships and the pain that I endured in each and every relationship I had been in my life, where each man used different self-defense mechanisms to put me down, like jealousy, control, emotional abuse, financial abuse, manipulation, total disregards, I grew stronger. It is through my failures that I grew spiritually and emotionally, to not allow myself become a victim of abusive men anymore. Through my life coaching service I am helping other women to become strong and walk away from abusive relationships, knowing that they are worthy much more than their partners make them believe.
However, the question remains open: Why I did not give that boy, which offered me the passionate love, a second chance? I did not, this is the end of it, and I am pretty sure that he must have had a very good reason for not insisting to convince me that I indeed was very important to him. In true love, and my grandma was right again, the prince is tested (subconsciously it seems)and if he does not fight then he does not pass the test, and so, he loses his girl’s love. And my dream ended when that divine looking boy did not show any commitment, he did not fight for his love, he did not fight to receive back my love and my attention; he just walked away like a coward. Was it his pride, or was he already committed to something else, or was he afraid of commitment even? It could have been any of those, but the truth is he did not pass the test, because he was not ready for my love. Again I found myself out of sync in that passionate love without a story of my own, without a reason to call this love mine. If there is no reason to call someone yours then there is no true love, no matter how passionate that lover may be. On the other hand the opposite is true too, without passionate love, no matter how many reasons you may find to call someone your lover, that love will not last. It is just an illusion.
So my lesson is that true love is found when both romantic-erotic love and full commitment, along with open and clear communication are applied. If any of the components is missing then, rests assure that true love will never be found.