No matter how far you wonder, how many temptations you face, no matter how many obligations or errors you made, when your heart has found the true love, it will always bounce back to that place, because true love is hard to resist. One who has found true love, will never feel threatened by the presence of other people in his/her lover’s life, because one knows, and knows this very well, that his (her) lover’s heart belongs to him and him only.
In my family I was the only child, raised by two parents that despite their love for one another, they constantly argued for one thing only: Attention. My mother demanded attention and admiration from my father non-stop, while my father gave her attention and admiration for as long as no other woman was admiring him in a circle of 2 km… Seeing this struggle day by day by day in my life I concluded that demanding attention is wrong, being jealous and starting fights will never solve the problem, will never make someone love you more. That is one lesson, which served me very well in life. Another lesson was that loyalty is also important, and is not hard to be loyal once you both commit to a relationship. But the most important lesson I learned in this life is that true love does not need to struggle. True love doesn’t need reminders for loyalty, commitment, admiration and attention.
Even though my parents declared to have loved one another so much, I just cannot seem to agree with that perception of love. I must say that role models of couples who truly loved one another were not absent in my life. On my mother’s side of the family, I learned that family is important and some rules, norms and traditions that help to keep the partnership safe are important. On my dad’s side of the family I learned the opposite: Screw all rules and norms, follow your heart, do anything possible and impossible for love. Between two extremes I choose balance. Yes it does sound very romantic to follow your heart and do everything possible and impossible for love, but you must be sure first that that was your true love. One of my uncles for example, on my dad’s side, married four times and he still did not find his happiness, or true love. Two other uncles did find their true love and lived happily until the day they died. Yes being happily married is possible, and I had those models in my life, and I feel blessed. One of the uncles’ is the most romantic story ever. His name was Kujtim which means Remembrance in Albanian. He died in August 2008, and I miss him so much. When he died, a part of me died with him, that father figure-down to earth, soft spoken-that my dad even though he tried hard to fill, he couldn’t.
So why am I mentioning my uncle Kujtim today? Simply because his existence, his presence in my life, his model of how a man should treat his wife, and care for his children, taught me what it means to be a good father, good husband, and a good lover. I saw tenderness and strength in this man, I saw how my uncle treated his wife with respect and love. He treated her like a queen and never stopped showing that admiration for his wife, even in front of all other women who often tried to lure my uncle. He constantly chose his wife over other women. His mother, my grandma, was not very happy about that, and she constantly reminded him that his wife used to be engaged to someone else, and that he could have chosen any other girl more beautiful than her. But the more grandma mentioned his “mistake” the more my uncle became my hero. The fact is that indeed his wife was engaged to someone else but fate had it that they both attended a party, and somehow they danced together and they fell in love instantly. Then one day, my uncle and his future wife decided to elope, after she left a letter for her fiancé telling him the news. Her fiance unfortunately caught with them at the train station, just when they were about to board. My uncle had to face the other man and tell him the truth. The other man became angry and said the stupidest thing anyone could have said, “She was nothing before she met me, she didn’t even had shoes to wear. I bought her those shoes.” Then my uncle picked up his future wife gave her a good kiss, took her shoes off her and threw them to the other man. Then he held his future wife in his arms and walked away. That got to be the most romantic love story ever heard, and it happened in my family. Indeed I know how much he loved his wife and treated her like a queen, even when people so often carelessly spitted their poison by mentioning that he was such a handsome man, tall, soft spoken, a real gentleman that he could have had any girl he would have put his finger on. And my uncle always answered, “And I did, I put my finger on her.”