Eight steps to loving yourself without feeling guilty.

girl (2)Our daily lives become busier and busier each day. We get caught in routines and our usual chores, and while we strive to solve our little problems we forget that we have a bigger job to complete which is to accomplish goals that are inspired by destiny. We forget, that it is because of this purpose that we are worthy of our existence. The general rule in nature is that things and species which no longer serve a purpose they go extinct. So once in a while we need a little reminder that we are an important piece in God’s plan, and we are also important for others who depend on us or people who connect with us. Being an important piece of the universal plan, we must then take care of ourselves first. But, aren’t we told that it’s selfish to love yourself? We are always told to love others. Of course, to love others is great and important, but we must not lose sight of ourselves either. It’s because of this wrong way of thinking “loving yourself is selfish,” that we often hope that someone would love us, because only then we may feel happy. Right at that moment our problem starts. The question is: If we don’t love ourselves and if we don’t appreciate ourselves for our values why would someone else love us? If we do not see our own worth then no one else will. It’s like a sale person wanting to sell a product without knowing its value.

In the past, just like many others, I made the same mistake of not taking care of myself, because I didn’t think I was that worthy, and mostly because I was afraid people will call me selfish. I had to learn my first lesson of loving myself, the hard way. When I learned what I was doing wrong and how I could fix it, I decided to help others through my life coaching or by sharing my story, so they too will overcome this first obstacle during the first step of the formula Think-Pray-Dream-Dare which I also share in my book “Live the Life You Dream.”

I would like to quickly share here the eight steps of completing this challenging task with success. You can live the life that you dream, without being selfish or a people pleaser, but by just being yourself, and here is how:

Step One: Slow down and Think.

Think with the heart of a child not with the mind of an adult. Heart has a lot to tell you and one of the first things that heart would like to communicate is that you are worthy; that you are created for a reason and that you just like everyone else (even the smallest things in our universe) are very important piece in God’s big Plan. My heart told me this in a tough way because I wasn’t listening to it. It gave me a pre-heart attack. That was the moment when I decided to listen to my body and slow down with my daily chores, thinking “If I would die how would I help my children grow?”

Step Two: Stick up for yourself

Learn to say no. Don’t be a people pleaser. Others will appreciate you more.

Step Three: Delegate Chores

Delegate some of the chores and not so important tasks to others whenever you can. Don’t try to do everything on your own. No one will call you Superman or Superwoman when you over-give. People will take you for granted.

Step Four: Let It Go.

Almost everything that is tangled in our daily chores and routines seems very important to us and we feel obligated to complete them in a perfect manner. But guess what, life just proves to us every day that things never go according to your plans. At the end of the day, if you take a list at your To Do List you will always find that some tasks were completed, some were not, with some you were satisfied but not with others. Then what? Life goes on. The next day, you can make another To Do List and start the game of life all over again. So take it easy and refer to step three.

Step Five: Prioritize your Worries.

Not everything is too important. Take things one step at a time. Don’t worry or become overly concerned with things that don’t require a decision right away.

Step Six: Be Patient.

You know what, you already have a helper by your side, day and night, it’s called Time. Use it! Time works always to your advantage. If you let time pass, things may change on their own.

Step Seven: Don’t take things personally.

There will always be people in our daily life that step out of the line, or that put us down with their negative comments or gestures. Let them be! In fact, my advice to you as a psychology teacher is that the fact that they comment on you with negativity, deep down, is their problem. Do not allow this negative energy and negative comments of others affect you. Don’t give them any attention. Go on and do what pleases you, leaving this negativity behind.

Step Eight: Be careful not to fall into addictions.

Addictions are unhealthy ways of comforting yourself when things go wrong. They are never the solution. I learned from my own experience that the payback is much worse. Some of the addictions are obvious, but I found myself falling into silent addictions like drinking too much coffee, eating junk food and buying unnecessary things, just to make myself feel better. All addictions, big or small, obvious or hidden would never help because instead of facing the real problems and fixing them, they just add one more worry to the pile of our problems.

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