Mothers know best, but a mother would not tell you this…

A mother knows best. A mother is the first friend in child’s life, the first person to seek support, to share dreams and weaknesses. A mother then becomes more than a mother. She feels that her duty is to be a superhero. A mother feels like she has to protect her little ones even when sometimes they are grown up to be 40 years old. I guess a mother loses track of time. But this is just a human thing, right? It’s just a good feeling for a mother to know that her little ones are well fed, taken care off and protected. However, can a mother do this all her life? Can a mother provide such a safe environment for her children, which demands keep growing as they grow?

The answers to this question are so many and they all depend on the situation. So, I am not even going to mention all of them. Mainly because, the reason for this post is not to criticize mothers and their choices, but to open the eyes of younger generation that the love of a mother, her protection so much needed, must have a limit. Once you pass that limit, that love will start killing you, restricting you and strangling you. Let me explain. A child that is used to getting unconditional love and attention from their mother, later in life this child starts demanding the same love and attention from others. When these children turn into young adults and haven’t learned the abc of life that at some point the attention from others will stop showering on them, because attention is limited and so is love, these individuals will then feel the shock. They will get angry with others, and will start blaming others for the lack of love and attention that they receive from others. In short they will start acting like victims, and some victims have no mercy. When they chose to have no mercy for themselves, they fall into addictions and feel useless, but when they feel no mercy for others, well they will find a sure way to show that, even forcefully if they have to.

But let’s go to the core of our problem. Why wouldn’t mothers tell their children that attention is limited at some point and so is love? Because mothers do not want to hurt their children. In my opinion, a mother always feels like she is there to protect a child from life itself. But in fact a mother has to prepare the child for the real life, not protect the child from life. Therefore, after first taking care of basic needs for the child, feeding, cleaning, putting him to bed, mothers must also come to realize that sooner or later their children will outgrow their basic needs at some point, because all humans do. We are much more than just physiological and basic needs to eat and sleep and wash ourselves. We also have other needs and we must use our brains to understand what mothers do not tell us that love and attention that others may give us will always be limited. Therefore, we must learn to survive without demanding other’s love and attention. Instead we must find time to pay attention to ourselves and our needs, and love ourselves first.

Young boys and girls, if you are reading this post, forget about searching for someone who would love you forever, because the more you demand love the more love will run away from you. It hurts to know the truth but the truth just is. No one can love someone for ever and with the same intensity, as in the beginning of the relationship all the time. Why is that? Because it is just human to get used to something after a while. I do explain this phenomenon of getting used to feelings, and good things in life, in my book “Twelve Laws that Define a Human” I explain there that routines are formed because of the ability that we have as humans, to get used to the repetition of actions and feelings. Even the best of relationships could undergo tough periods sometimes. The secret is not to give more love and give more attention to your partner, or vice versa, to demand more attention and more love from your partner. The secret is to know when and how much love or attention your partner can give to you and accept that fact with grace.

Let’s face it. We are all human and we all have a limited amount of energy to use in a day. If one thinks that committing to a relationship means giving their partner everything he or she asks for, in order for this relationship to be safe, then think again. Ask yourself a very simple question. What will it feel to you if you never stop eating your favorite food? How long can you continue like that before you realize that your favorite food is no longer your favorite food?

So, you can see that the risk in a relationship is not the lack of attention or love from the other partner. The risk is to ask for it all the time as if the partner is obligated to vie that to you. Mothers told you that they will love you forever and ever and you believed it. The truth is that even mothers are humans too. A mother also has her down moments. She might even want to run away from continuing demands of her children for her love and attention. But instead she keeps giving and giving by sacrificing herself and therefore laving her children totally unprepared to face the real life. This is not your mother’s fault, because mothers are raised to think that mothers and fathers have a duty to provide love and attention for their children and their partners at all times. I am in fact telling this publicly because I am not afraid to admit to my children that mothers have a limited time of giving attention and energy that away. My children are getting used to the fact that they will not have my attention all the time. Instead they are getting used to hear me say that I need time for my own, to do my own things, and they should interrupt me only if there is an emergency that needs my attention.

I think it is time for the young generation to know the Truth, that attention is a very private thing, in fact is very precious. Don’t ask for attention as if others owe it to you. The attention is very much needed so we can function and complete our daily chores. When we spread our attention into many different chores or responsibilities then we cannot apply enough energy to complete all those tasks.  This is one of the laws that I cover in the book “Twelve Laws that Define a Human.” We often follow these 12 laws without being aware of them. In fact the Law of Attention that I am takings here about is a mirror law of one of the laws in physics known as the Law of the Ideal Gas. As we all know, gas is something that even if we do not see it, we can feel i,t and we can use it to our benefits. For example when gas is put under pressure gas can be used to perform work. The same idea applies to our attention. When our attention is put under pressure when trying to complete a task or assignment, this attention will then perform work.

Attention is precious. Use it wisely. It can’t be found outside of us, and it can’t be bought in the market either. Now love is a total different story, but that too is limited. Love is a feeling, it comes from inside our hearts and God knows what we are capable of doing for love. But we cannot choose to give love on demand or ask for it like it belongs to us. Love is the only thing that we can constantly share but only if we are willing to share, and not because we are asked to do so.  When I say love is limited I don’t mean that love is measured and gets wasted during the day like attention is. Love is a very strange phenomenon on its own. In fact the more you love the more it comes back to you. Love multiplies when you give it to others. But again, love is also very timid and the more you ask for it the more it runs away from you.

So the fairy-tale stories are true but not the way we thought they would work,like “Hi, I am here, I am the princess, just love me and love me forever.”  In fact the opposite is true: “Just because you are here and you are not demanding for my love or my attention, I will love you and I will love you forever.”


end of chapter

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