What went wrong, dear History?

March 20, 2011

All our individual life stories make our history. Some of us are just witnesses while some are the heroes; some are leaders and some are the power of the mass of people which history cannot do without. I am asking myself, where do I stand at this time in the story of my life? Raised in a communist country, where no religion or beliefs in God were allowed to practice and follow, I discovered the power of leaders (good or bad). Married into a Muslim family for 10 years of my life I discovered the true meaning of brotherhood, where helping one another is essential. Being baptized as a Roman Catholic when I came to Canada I realized the power of words. I divorced and married for a second time; into a Jewish family now. It seems like God wanted me to experience very closely and intimately, all different religions and beliefs. In this short journey, up to this point in my life, through all the ups and downs, through all the struggles which I did not ask for but I accepted, I discovered how strong and old the roots of traditions are, how stubborn and how wrong people are when they fight because of these traditions. Now I stand puzzled in the middle of the road? Why so many different and strong opinions regarding God and His favorites? If God had already chosen His favorites, then why are others still here? Is this a favorite place to be, by the way, or is this where punishments take place? What went wrong dear History, what went wrong? When did people separate and why? Do I now have to chose a side?

In each of these religions and traditions I learned some values and found some peace for awhile, but not for too long. The moment always came when I felt too restricted by each one of those beliefs and traditions and felt like I wanted to run away from them. In each group I found devotion and yet blindness. I am asking myself, do I want to embrace a religion where its leaders acts like they were God? These religious leaders sometimes feel so important and so powerful that, it is dangerous to even imagine what could happen to the rest of the world if these leaders become obsessive and thirsty for glory? Do I want to embrace the group of Muslim brotherhood where the sense of responsibility to protect one another is very strong however, freedom of opinions suffers tremendously and change of perspectives is rarely accepted? Or do I want to follow Christianity where the word is so powerful that it will make you feel guilty if you do not join the great cause or what they promote with their “Christian forgiveness.” I was taken away by the miracles of Jesus, but soon I realized, that by making Jesus the Son of God, they are underestimating Jesus’ real teachings. Above all, Jesus promoted forgiveness by first accepting that no one is immune to errors and mistakes. Therefore, Jesus said, we are in no position to judge one another’s actions. Jesus did not promote forgiveness from standing above others: I forgive you as I am the Son of God; Likewise, today, Christians should not go around bragging “I forgive you, because I am a good Christian.” Instead Jesus was promoting the golden rule, taught in Buddhism too, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” Therefore, we can say, “I forgive you, because I am just like you.” Unfortunately, even though Christians may recite Jesus’ teachings more often than other religions, I rarely saw a Christian acting upon these words. Among Christians I found too much bragging and hypocrisy to the point that it made me feel sick in my stomach and so I left them and their Church.

The last group I had the honor to observe closely, just recently in these last four years is the one where tradition is kept very strong for centuries and still continues to be that strong. Would God want a better loyalty than the one showed by Jews? I don’t think so, however God is in no need for praise and loyalty, because God is all powerful. God surely knows that He is worthy, does God really need us, powerless people to tell HIM that. From my perspective, Jews’ god seems to be a creature full of tempers, in need of pleasing and worshiping, while in the meantime did not seem to worry much about keeping his promises that he made to the Jews. I feel a deep sorrow for these people for the horrible suffering that they endured from the Nazis, just to protect their god. No one deserves to be treated in such gruesome way, not even those who may have offended the real God by killing those innocents, unarmed and harmless souls in those very disadvantaged circumstances. So, even though this loyalty to their cause makes me admire the Jews a lot, it also scares me to death, as I do not understand how would their god be so inconsistent and inconsiderable of his own people, to let them suffer that way. And how far can they go to protect their traditions? Their devotions does not seem any different from Nazi’s devotion to create a super race of humans. I feel like all these groups are all nuts. They know no limits where to stop inflicting any further pain on innocents, and where to stop acting like martyrs. They are all too proud to accept defeat and that’s what scares me about any religion or belief in super humans and bloodlines, and their so called perfect DNA. The core of this problem is that they all act as if they are God or God’s favorites. They are all mentally distorted suffering from the Narcissistic Mental and Personality disorder, and unfortunately so many people follow them so blindly. That is what scares me at this point in my life.

So, where would I go from here? I am standing in the crossroad of my story, and I am asking where do I start and where do I go? And the answer just came to me: Start from your heart and keep following your heart’s lead!I am following it. No religion, and no god these religions promote is worth of human sacrifice. The real God wants me to know the truth and not to sacrifice myself for HIM.

end of chapter

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